Sexual Assault and Justice

I do not believe it’s best to recall the judge in the recent Stanford Assault .  It is important for the health of our society that judges can opt for community service and restorative justice along with lighter sentences whenever possible.

Our entire justice system is way overdue for a major overhaul. The focus has far too long been on revenge and retribution – these are really not the most effective way to help victims become whole again, nor do they help perpetrators instill better options for  interacting with others.

Restorative justice – sentencing actions that focus on repairing any hurt or loss to the victim,  making personal amends to society,  and helping to educate others so they can choose more appropriate ways of meeting their needs and desires.

I believe the primary focus should be on actions which help the victim become whole again, and on how best to improve this for everyone going forward.

I  do not object to people suggesting various options, including suggesting a recall.   But engaging in overwhelming tactics and mudslinging perpetuates the cycles of violence and is taking it too far.



Sexual Assault and Justice

As a survivor of sexual assault, I would like to add to the ongoing conversation about appropriate justice for victims and perpetrators of sexual assault.

The key to healthy relationships is consent.  Mutual, informed, educated, aware, mutually empowered, freely given, consent.

The key to appropriate consent is communication.  Exchanging information. Honoring needs and expectations.  Respecting each other and the social and other relationships we have.

Absent actual communication and full consent,  unhealthy power dynamics and inappropriate expectations can deeply damage the relationship and traumatize its participants.


Problem Solving – Cat Poison

Some of the elements in the Bole city problem-solving scenario work, other elements not so much:
  • Putting stray cats to work, instead of eating or euthanizing them: WIN
  • Effective method for controlling rat population outbreak:  WIN
  • Combo use of rat poison with release of cats into the rat area: FAIL
The common types of poison which kill or disable rats will also poison the animals that eat the poisoned rats.  So the most productive of the cats will die horrible internal bleeding deaths.
just sayin’
Re: Associated Press

Stray cat ‘army’ battles west China rodent plague

BEIJING (AP) — Stray cats rounded up in a remote west China city are being used to catch rodents that have infested surrounding pasture lands.

Some 150 strays — dubbed by Chinese media as the “cat army” — were turned loose on the range lands outside Bole city in May to fight what the government calls a plague of rats. The state-run Xinhua News Agency says that the cats were brought in, along with tons of poisonous rat pellets.

The Bole government said in late June that rat holes had decreased by more than half. The Xinhua report on Friday quoted a Bole official as saying the cats were proving valuable.

Rodents and other pests have grown more troublesome on the vast grasslands as a result of overgrazing and killing off traditional predators like foxes.

Talk to Him

Recently, someone died alone.

Some people say he should have been “involuntarily committed”.

What about just talking with him.  Maybe sit for a bit.  Invite him over to tea or coffee on your porch.

Maybe gently edge on over, weeding one’s own yard, and help him with his.

Ask him what he likes to do.

Read a book with him.

Work the conversation around to check on what meds he’s taking.  Maybe some had side effects or weren’t working out well.

Maybe just sit together for a spell.

Ask him about politics, philosophy.

Yeah, ok he had a hygiene problem. Maybe more than that.  That’s what front porches are for. (well, maybe not for some of the things he was doing on his front porch.) I meant getting out in the air – if someone has a problem, from med side effects or whatever, that’s too much in an enclosed space,  it could help to talk out in the air and upwind of them. . .

Figure it out people – help them extricate from the vicious circle of being lost, and not knowing how to make themselves useful and connect with others.

Doing it Once

With many projects and people attempting to grab attention,  deciding when to handle is often the first question.

Actually, a prior question could be ” Is this something that I want to do,  and/or is it something that I should do ? ”

Should is a loaded word for some people – in this context I mean it not so much about what others think I should do,  but as a definition of what my own choices are on what projects I am taking on, what I am investing my attention and resources in,  and whether something falls within my overall values and priorities.

Another important question – is this something, either in content or by the time it will displace, that supports a secondary value but interferes with a primary value, or will get in the way of accomplishing a higher priority item ?

Not to get bogged in thought on any of the above,  with practice a nanosecond suffices.

Additional inspiration: The Zen Habits tip for deciding to do something now:

If it passes my personal “should” test,  then decisively giving it my full attention, doing it now, not having to “move it around”, physically or in my head, multiple times, will be the way to keep things from piling up. Handle it once so it gets done sooner, with the results adding benefit to me and others.

If it doesn’t pass my want or should test, then just get rid of it, or return to sender so they don’t keep sending more.  Handle it once so it doesn’t take up more of my time and resources, remove the distraction to my priority projects, with the added benefit of potentially redirecting the other entity’s resources toward something more productive.


Helping your Family

Xpost of my comment on a dear abby 28 July post from a kid who is upset that her room is filling up with clothes and dust:

Unloved: Whose clothes are these ?   Is it your stuff, or is your mom using the room for storage of her things or stuff she is planning to sell or give away ?

Either way, it sounds like your mom could use some help with cleaning your room or other household chores !

A good way to get love (or friendship) is to start the ball rolling by offering a bit of the caring and help that you would like to see others share with you.

Talk with your mom and see if she’d like to make a date with you to work together on your room sometime this week, for just an hour or two or maybe just 15 minutes to start.  Also plan to do something together that day you’d both like – a girl’s afternoon – watch a show together, or make lunch, or go for a walk or picnic outside.

If your mom can’t work with you even when you ask nicely, maybe because she’s working all the time, or if she uses drugs or alcohol, or is sick or tired a lot of the time, then talk with other adults in your family and at school to see if they can help find someone to work with you on making your house a better home.

Good luck !